Les Poissons (Antoine D'Coollette version)
Inside the dining room table, Knuckles was standing near the window, looking out into the distance. While LeFou was seated at the large table, beginning to clean his pipe, Knuckles was waiting patiently for Amy to arrive as he tried desperately to reason with the red echidna. "Oh, Knuckles, be reasonable," said LeFou, feeling clearly amused while waving his pipe in the air. "Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -" Knuckles cut him off. "I'm tellin' you, LeFou, she was REAL!" he said, "I'm gonna find that girl. And I'm gonna marry her." He put his left hand over his chin, gazing out the glass windows. Suddenly, laughter was heard from behind him. He turned his head to see the lover with the waitress. "Come on, honey." said a voice, "Don't be shy." It was Belle. She stood by the door frame, guiding the lover into the dining room. Out of the shadows came Amy. Amy was now wearing a red dress with long sleeves and a white shoulder line (similar to Aurora's dress), a gold tiara, a matching necklace, and red pumps. She was still wearing her gloves and hair band. This was a new look for Amy, and she showed that she was being treated well by the servants. Knuckles' eyes widened as LeFou walked up behind the echidna. "Oh, Knuckles, isn't she a vision?" asked LeFou. The grin he had was never slipping off his face. Knuckles' mouth hung open. But he closed his mouth and swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. "You look - wonderful." Knuckles stammered. Amy, unable to say, "Thank you," replied with a gentle blush, she shrugged her shoulders, appreciating the nice comment, a smile on her face as her green eyes looked up from behind her quills. Knuckles blushed a light pink as LeFou helped Knuckles into his chair, quite enthusiastic, but not before giving the young princess a light nudge. Knuckles pursed his lips, but grinned nonetheless. "Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy?" He helped the princess into her seat. Knuckles tucked the chair under the table as the pink hedgehog sat down. "Uh, it's...it's not often that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh, Knux?" Amy wasn't playing attention anymore. She was too intrigued by the glistening silver 'dinglehopper' resting on the table. With a wide smile, she picked up the shiny object and began brushing her fur-hair with it. She looked up to face a confused Knuckles and a horrified LeFou. Amy delicately placed the 'dinglehopper' back on the table and looked down in embarrassment. She bit her lip and looked up as she saw LeFou using a lighter to ignite the coppery thing that Amy understood as a 'snarfblatt'. LeFou kindly smiled at her, and handed her his pipe. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked, "It is a rather fine..." LeFou stopped in mid-sentence when the hedgehog blew into the pipe as if it was a trumpet, sending a cloud of smoke spurting out the top and straight into his face. Knuckles cracked up with laughter while Belle gave a small giggle. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. Knuckles cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "Ahem. I'm sorry, LeFou." Belle smiled, placing a hand on the red echidna's shoulder. "Why, Knuckles," she said. "That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks." Amy looked up from the table and smiled. "Oh, very amusing," said LeFou, as he used a handkerchief to wipe the last bit of smoke of his face and sniffed. "Belle, my dear, what's for dinner?" "Oooh, you're gonna love it!" Belle smiled. "Chef's been fixing his specialty, grilled snake!" Kaa poked his head out from behind a sugar bowl and gasped upon seeing the chef of a French kitchen. He was a slender brown coyote with brown fur with beige markings at the muzzle, upper face, and underbelly, blonde hair, blue eyes, a black nose, and small black whiskers. He wears a blue, red, and yellow Acorn Kingdom Army uniform, red boots, a white chef's hat, and a matching apron. His name was Antoine D'Coollette, the French chef of the kitchen. Antoine rummaged through a cupboard. Singing in French to himself, he hummed to himself as he took a basket of trout and putting one on a counter. With his food ready, the coyote chef started singing. Antoine: Les poissons Les poissons How I love '''les poissons' ''Love to chop And to serve little fish Grabbing the trout from the basket, Antoine pulled out a cleaver and violently chopped off its head. This shocked Kaa horribly. Horrified that this was happening, Kaa hid his face. Antoine: First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui Ca c'est toujours delish Taking out another trout, Antoine took the cleaver and violently chopped off its head then proceeded to skin it and gut it while Kaa leaned against a wall and covered his mouth, feeling quite sick, feeling as if he may want to throw up. Antoine: Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two Taking out another trout, Antoine again chopped its head and then chopped the rest of the body into tiny pieces. Kaa tried getting away, but he found himself face to face with the trout's head. Antoine: I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried Cause I love little fishes'' Don't you? After cutting the trout's head off, Antoine pulled out the insides of the trout and cooked it on a frying pan before serving it on a plate. Spotting a large lettuce leaf, Kaa grabbed the leaf and used it to disguise himself as he slowly scuttled away from an unsuspecting chef, who is too absorbed into his little fish hacking mania but Antoine took a mallet and began smashing a tuna flat. Antoine: Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet When Antoine pounded the tuna flat with the mallet, Kaa flew off the counter along with other stuff on it. He hid again under the lettuce before hearing more gross stuff from Antoine's preparations for the tuna. Antoine: Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in 'Cause that makes it taste nice When Antoine was describing those horrid moves, Kaa cringed even more. Just after Antoine put the salt on he rather was holding the fish body close to his cheek, Kaa worst fear was confirmed when the cook reached out and grabbed the lettuce leaf, leaving him exposed. The small python kept perfectly still as the chef gasped, "Zut alors!" exclaimed Antoine, "I have missed one!" He picked up the 'dead' snake and continued singing, Antoine: ''Sacre bleu'' What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent snake? ''Quel dommage'' What a loss Here we go In the sauce Now some flour I think just a spurt Antoine tossed Kaa into a bowl of sauce and threw a spot of flour in his face, making him cough and sneeze before pulling him out and stuffing some breadcrumbs in his mouth. Antoine: Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are Kaa spat out the breadcrumbs and wheezed loudly. Antoine didn't notice that the meerkat in his hand was still alive. Antoine: 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo ''Mon poisson'' ''Au revoir!''' Antoine threw Kaa across the room into a large pot of boiling water. Antoine held on to the inside of the pot before a bubble popped, burning him out of the pot and onto the counter with a loud thud. Antoine, hearing the 'thud', looked over to it being confused. He used a pitchfork-like utensil and stabs on either side of the snake, picking up Kaa and carefully inspected it. "What is this?" he asked. Kaa bit Antoine's nose, making him scream in pain as he held his nose. Kaa landed on the handle of a pan on the stove. Antoine reached for the snake, but instead put his hand on the fiery hot stove. The chef screamed and blew on his hand as the pan fell onto his foot. Antoine grabbed his foot and cried in pain, before sending Kaa an angry glare, grabbing a bunch of knives and hurling them at the snake. Kaa, who ducked each knife, dove under the counter, and while the chef was looking under the counter, Kaa pushed the bowl of sauce off the counter. The bowl shattered on his head. Going more insane, Antoine lifted his cleaver and brought it down. But all he managed to chop up was the counter. He saw Kaa slithering rapidly for his life. Kaa screamed as he tried getting out. The cleaver landed right in front of him, stopping him from running that way. He quickly made a mad dash underneath Antoine and hid underneath a cabinet of glasses and pottery. Antoine screamed, holding his mallet in his hand, Kaa hid as the psychotic chef jumped and crashed into the shelves. Back in the dining room, everyone heard loud crashes coming from the kitchen. Belle, who was pouring drinks for the prince, LeFou, and their young guest, looked in the direction of the kitchen at the sound of a large crash. "I think I'd better go see what Antoine is up to." she said. Once she had excused herself, she hurriedly made her way to the palace kitchen. Back in the kitchen, the insane chef, ripped clothes and all, was tearing apart the cabinet, mindlessly throwing things out of the way trying to find Kaa. "Come out, you little pipsqueak, AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" he snarled. He continued to tear apart a cupboard. "Antoine!" shouted Belle. He shot up, banging his head on the shelf, causing several new pots and pans to fall or break on the floor, at the sound of Belle's shrill voice. His uniform and apron were torn and stained, his chef's hat was gone, he only had one boot, and there was a hole in the elbow of his uniform. "What are you doing?" Belle demanded. Antoine stammered about what he was doing earlier. "Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, ''madame." he finally said. Belle scowled at the coyote as he gave her an apologetic grin and pinched out a fire that had started on his furry cheek. Belle picked up the plates - which all had a metal dome over the top - off a nearby bench, and storming out the kitchen. "Well, I never!" she exclaimed in disgust. LeFou set his glass back on the table as Belle placed their dinners in front of him, Amy, and Knuckles. "You know, Knux," he said. "perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?" Knuckles simply sat there, staring at Amy with a lovestruck expression on his face. Realizing that LeFou had said something to them, they snapped out of their daze. Knuckles let out a small chuckle and looked at LeFou. "I'm sorry, LeFou." he said, "What was that?" LeFou leaned over to the red echidna and whispered, "You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. Get your mind off-" As LeFou complained, he opened his dish, and Kaa was huddled inside. Amy noticed Kaa and became worried. Kaa quietly shushed the worried pink hedgehog, who opened her dish and urged for Kaa to quickly hide in hers. "Easy, LeFou, easy." said Knuckles, "It's not a bad idea. If she's interested." As the two chatted, Kaa quickly and quietly dashed across the table and hid in Amy's dish. With Kaa safe, Amy quickly turned to Knuckles. "Well, what do you say?" asked Knuckles. "Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?" Amy nodded, genuinely excited by the prospect and also internally relieved. "Wonderful!" beamed LeFou. "Now let's eat, before this snake wanders off my plate." He looked down, only to be confused that Kaa had just slithered off his plate. Dinner got carried on into the evening long after the sun had set and afterwards, Amy, Knuckles, and LeFou went their separate ways. Amy was now dressed in her nightclothes as she watched Knuckles play with Pikachu from the balcony. Amy was now wearing light green pajamas that consists of a T-shirt and pants. "Come here boy!" Knuckles laughed to Pikachu, "Arrr!!!" He knelt on the ground and Pikachu ran up to him calling out, "Pikachu!" Knuckles growled playfully at the electric mouse Pokemon as he pinned him down. He looked up and smiled when he saw that the pink hedgehog he'd found on the beach that day, watching. Knuckles waved at Amy, and she waved back, before slipping further back into her room. Knuckles' eyes sparkled as his smile widened. He was actually really looking forward to taking her around his kingdom tomorrow, and could only hope that she felt the same way. Amy smiled as she brushed her quills with her fork. Kaa complained about his experience in the kitchen as he cleaned off the cooking spices. "This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life." he complained. Amy patted Kaa on the head. "I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady!" scolded the snake, as he waved his lettuce leaf at Amy while she walked over to her bed. Amy's bed was a large canopy bed with white mattresses & matching bedsheets & pillows, large red curtains (with golden draw-tassels) on all four sides (attached to the red canopy), pink blankets, white linens, a warm, fuzzy red blanket, & pink mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color & material). Anyway, Kaa told Amy, "Now, we've got to make a plan to get that echidna to kiss you." She opened the curtains and bounced a little before settling back into the large pillow on the left side of the canopy bed and crawled under the covers. "Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best." said Kaa. Amy lay in her bed. It was very comfy and warm. It was a nice place for her to sleep for the night. "You're gonna bat your eyes - like this," Kaa went on, as he batted his eyes and puckered his lips. "You gotta pucker up your lips - like this." But by now, he realized that Amy was already fast asleep. Kaa shook his head and smiled. "Hm." He blew out the candle on the bed side table. He hopped onto one of Amy's pillows, closed the curtains, and before falling asleep himself, he said, "You are hopeless, child. You know that?" He yawned and closed his eyes as Amy covered him up with her red blanket. "Completely hopeless!" And with that, Amy and Kaa both fell asleep for the night. Category:Fan Fiction Category:Songs Category:Hero/Heroine Songs Category:The Little Mermaid Fanfiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmakes Category:The Little Mermaid Movie Spoofs Category:The Little Mermaid Movies Category:The Little Mermaid Parodies Category:The Little Mermaid Spoofs